Explain to Children about separation

Learn how to explain to your children about separation and divorce.

How to Explain to Children About Parents separation

Often during separation of parents, children are usually left in the sidelines as many parents assume what they are going through is strictly between them. However explaining to children especially of a young age is never an easy thing. This often leads to too much unnecessary information being divulged.

Things to consider before explaining to children about separation

As difficult as separation is for adults, this is amplified for children. This should be the first thing you should consider during a divorce. At such a young age children tend to assume that the unfair happening around them is directly caused by them. This line of thought in children should be discouraged.

The child’s age is a factor. Even from a young age the child can already know and sense if things aren’t going right and tend to seclude themselves as a form of protection. It is quite normal to treat different children differently. T
Another thing to consider before explaining to children about separation is how much they already know. During separation, adults tend to speak and talk without necessarily thinking about it. Children will often eavesdrop on conversation. Before explaining anything try and listen to what they already know.
Timing is another consideration. Being sidelined is an often unfortunate outcome that children have to deal with. Parents should remember that even though children can stop asking questions, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have stopped thinking about it. The easiest way to put them at ease is to explain the situation at the first instance you have.

How much is too much

Children are the neutral party in everything. Explaining absolutely everything you are going through with your ex to children is a bad idea, especially when they are young as they may form prejudice and preference for one parent and create relationship issues between them..

The intimate lives of either partner should never be up for discussion. Children have no connection to what their parents did and should be kept out of adult conversations. This also involves not inputting personal opinion and hurt feelings when describing another partner.

Children read between the lines and will mimic the parent’s emotions as a form of loyalty without even knowing and so it is important to remember that they don’t have to know everything. If it is visitation rights, tell children what to expect and try and keep a routine between you and your ex partner.

How to go about it

Have a sit down with children and explain that as parents you won’t be living together anymore. Listen to the concerns and reassure that it’s not the child fault. As parents remember that this sit down is where you reassure children of love for them. This will hopefully limit periods of acting out due to emotion and uncertainty that a child may have. If co parenting is going to be the way forward, ensure that even if different rules apply in different houses, parents are still in charge when they are with the child.

Explain to children the Reason Behind the Separation to Them

Parents often feel like they must explain to children about separation. Discussing it with your children will allow parents to better understand their child’s feelings in these difficult situations. It will also help parents to help make the transition smoother and much easier for their children.

This discussion focus vary based on the age of your child. Often a parent will be faced with a situation where the children have asked them to explain to the children about separation. When explaining the reason you may feel you have to explain the separation, many times it is better to remain neutral and not go into specifics.. Your children need to know that you are not angry or upset, they have a tendency to focus on the negative in their lives, so be sure that you remain neutral.It is much easier to talk to a child about the details of your separation if you try not to get emotional or angry.

When it comes to explaining the separation to the children, it is a good idea to be honest and tell the truth about it. They need to know about the benefits of a healthy separation and to also know that the children will not be left behind. or taken away from any parent.

If you think that your child is ready to learn about your separation, it is best to give them an opportunity to do so in private. You do not want the child to feel that you have pressured or embarrassed them into knowing facts they do not want to know.

In most cases, children will be more open about the process when they are around older siblings. This can allow the children to feel comfortable and to ask questions. You may find that the children have many questions about what will happen in the separation.

The most important thing to remember is that the children need to know that they are not alone. and that there will be someone there with them. Explain the reasons behind the separation to the children and help them understand and feel like they are part of the process, the more the children feel included in the decisions that are appropriate the easier it will be to explain the separation to them.

Explain to Children about separation ​